I’m writing this in the last hour of our 6.5 hour flight home. The flight is usually around 5 hours, but some inclement weather in the Midwest meant we had to take a detour. I’m tired. I’m hungry. And I’m ready to sleep in my own bed, honey.
Okay, so day 3 was supposed to be a sleep in day, but I don’t always know how to do that. I got up and wrote a blog, put together an insta reel (which, I gotta tell ya, is work). My hat is off to influencers who put those babies together like it’s nothing.
Jackets came off for our Saturday adventure because spring had sprung y el cuerpo lo supo. We took the subway to Williamsburg – which is next level hipster. You can walk into a weed shop like it’s your local convenience store. Everything is artsy, beautiful, and expensive. Everyone has a poodle or a doodle and they all look like they have their own walkers and personal chefs. They are definitely New Yorkers. They don’t smile back, which is something I had to get used to, by the way. More on this later.
Smorgasburg is a little food and crafts pop-up that actually happens in LA on Sundays, and New York has one too! We strolled right on over because, as you may have noticed, we enjoy food. It was conveniently located along the water and the views of the city were stellar. I was in awe of how beautiful it was, honestly. I ordered some samosas and a lavender tea. Shared with Ralph cause I’m wifey like that. He got guilted into buying some sugar cane drink that just wasn’t good, and that’s cool cause we’ve all been there, right?
We walked through a rich ass neighborhood, passed the nicest veterinary hospital/doggy daycare center I have ever seen in my life, and arrived at the Brooklyn Brewery. Ralph enjoyed a flight, and I used the all-gender restroom which resulted in an awkward run-in with a man as I was tucking in my shirt. Still loved it. Rooting for everyone here!
Ralph expressed his desire to embark on a pizza tour for the remainder of the trip – in not those words exactly – but by saying things like “I want to try Joe’s pizza, and then maybe Grimaldi’s pizza.” Supportive wife, reporting for duty.
We stopped into an artist’s flea market, and everything was obscenely overpriced. We had to pretend like we could easily afford it, but just not right now cause we don’t want to carry these bags everywhere and can I have your Instagram for maybe later? Ralph knows that I love ear cuffs and found a beautiful one that he described to me as we were walking away because it was “on sale for $480.” Stay humble, ears.
Joe’s Pizza had walls lined with celebrity pictures, so you knooooow it was good. I actually don’t know if it was good or not cause your girl stays on the plant life, but my inner twenty-year-old’s mouth was watering. Pictures of Ralph eating it suggest that I’m right about it being decent.
We took the subway to the Brooklyn Promenade, and again with the beautiful views, dogs, and parks. I see you NY – you beautiful bitch. At this point in the trip I was growing weary and ready to take a nap, but I don’t like to be the one in the relationship who quits. So I rallied and it was dumb because I just got grumpy and became dead weight. I didn’t recognize this until much too late and Ralph spent lots of energy trying to cheer me up – when all I needed was to plug myself into a pillow for a few hours. We discussed this over a drink at the rooftop bar of our hotel.
Once I realized the error of my ways, I still didn’t quit. I changed my outfit and told Ralph we were gonna hit the town like a couple of twenty year olds! Night life, here we come. We popped into a trendy bar with loud music and I had a few cocktails, which gave me a headache. Ralph was like “one more slice of pizza and we out.” And his wish was my command. Bed time.
This morning, I should’ve just stayed at the hotel because ya no más 😩! Pero me gusta la mala vida. So I kept going! I sulked in my sweater because I packed for the cold and it was reaaaally warm, but vegan brunch and yolo.
After brunch my soul had left my body, and I was wandering the streets as a ghost of myself. Didn’t say anything, though. The ego is strong in this one. We went to Grand Central Station, and I admired the art on the ceiling with heavy eyelids. The heat became too much, so I popped into an urban outfitters and bought myself a cropped tee. Very zillenial.
I honestly don’t know how Ralph keeps going. He doesn’t even drink coffee! I wish I could harness a fraction of his energy. I finally tapped out. He kept exploring and I went back to the hotel to nap on a couch. My body was like “yaaaaasss. thank youuuuuu!”
We left the hotel with just enough time to get to the airport. On the subway, I got the first smile back of the whole trip. New Yorkers just don’t smile back. I suppose that should’ve stopped me from smiling first, but I can’t help myself sometimes. We took a taxi from Atlantic Terminal because I was afraid the subway wouldn’t get us there in time.
We got to the gate just as they were boarding, and then the plane sat on the runway for an additional twenty minutes, which is always a joy. When the pilot announced the delay some dude was like “give us some free wi-fi or something.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him that the wi-fi was, indeed, free and I was already streaming away on JetBlue’s dime.
Two movies & three episodes of Alone later, Im on the curb of LAX’s pick-up area and I couldn’t be more ready to go to sleep. The trip was amazing! But home sweet home! Pics will be added later because I’m dead,
this is EZ with friends 
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